As a self defense instructor, I am sickened by the crimes I research on a daily basis. It makes my heart hurt for humanity, and my sympathy goes out with prayers and hopes for the victims trying to repair their broken lives. In spite of the bad wrap the police have gotten, I even support the hard work they do, leaving the house in the morning and not knowing if they will return at day’s end.
On the other hand, it makes me angry & even more committed to putting the tools of self protection into the hands of good people who need it the most. Especially people who are law abiding, trusting citizens who really believe that good guys win and the fabric of civility and basic human respect for life will prevail.
Unfortunately, my biggest struggle is in explaining that we live largely in a fantasy of “safety”. The real truth is NONE of us are safe. Not in our homes… not in our cars… not in our churches or gated communities. I could list countless examples of crime but all you have to do is turn on the evening news to find everything from burglary to assault, carjacking to mass shooting. The biggest challenge is the myth that “It will never happen here… or to ME”. Until it does.
And then we go through what has become an accepted public ritual of Shock (I can’t believe this happened HERE), then Speculation, then Grief, then Memorial (in the case of death), then Healing, then the WORST part of the entire damn circus: Numb Acceptance and a return to our Fantasy… UNTIL IT HAPPENS AGAIN.
This cycle has got to stop. Any sane person should agree: we as responsible citizens are willingly complacent in shrugging off “when bad things happen to good people”. That’s just life, we say. What a shame we say, shaking our heads. That’s just [insert dismissive excuse] and there isn’t anything we can do except lock our doors… Or stay in our neighborhood… Or only go out in pairs or groups… Or call the police.
Well, just this month, St Louis MO doors are being kicked in, Overland Park KS communities are being shot up, Detroit MI rape gangs are choosing couples to target for unspeakable horrors, and police nationwide are making themselves clear: We can’t be counted on to protect you, We need your help in taking care of yourselves and eachother.
It is a fact that we cloak ourselves in dismissal and denial, but we are no safer for it. Luckily, in spite of our mass denial, the criminal element is actually not that hard to understand. And understanding is the first step in acting. After interviews with law enforcement, victims AND criminals I have learned that the simple truth is this: Criminals are LAZY. They want to get what they want with minimum effort and certainly without a fight. Unless you are dealing with Asocial Aggression (which we’ll discuss later), YOU ARE IN THE POWER POSITION. Yes, the criminal will always have the advantage of ambush, but the good news is that every single human has the ability to equalize and even turn the balance into their own favor by a commitment to FIGHT. This one truth is what brought the SITAC Group together.
Once we make the gut level decision that My Life IS Worth Fighting For, we have simply to embrace the one tool that will equalize the worst of criminal intentions. We must pledge to educate ourselves and then vigilantly be aware and ready to act. There IS no other option.
I understand for most of us, this is problematic. In his book “On Killing”, author Lt Col David Grossman states that is is just not a natural sane act for sane humans to kill other humans. Our brains are in fact wired against it. However, when faced with a street thug intent on taking what he wants or acting on his sick will, I would argue that it doesn’t matter if you are a PTA mom, or the church counselor, or the bank executive. No cares if you are the animal shelter advocate, the nurse practitioner, or the entrepreneur. To a criminal: you are nothing more than a means to an end. You are a target. Most don’t even see you as human. At best you are prey, at worst you are the object of fulfillment for their sick perversion.
Let me ask you: Doesn’t that baffle you? Doesn’t it make you at least a little angry to imagine that your entire life experience can be reduced to mere objectification for some bad guy’s “use”? Doesn’t it compel you to think: Wait a minute… My life is WORTH more than that. My loved ones are WORTH more than being subject to the criminal whims of those who exist solely to terrorize and victimize. Doesn’t it make you think: if there is something I can do, I WANT TO KNOW WHAT IT IS!!!
The good news is that I’VE FOUND IT. Others have found it too. Countless times those with the courage of their convictions and a little training to back it up have put a stop IMMEDIATELY to what would have been life crushing attacks. And those brave people live to tell their stories, and share their experiences, and make us ALL a little more certain that we DO NOT have to be victims. When every move counts, we can default to good training and say NO to those who would destroy our lives.
What is this thing?
It’s what I call Fighting Forward. Some would say “self defense” but I don’t see it that way. If you are thinking and reacting in a defensive way, your back is already to the wall. You’re already threatened. I prefer self OFFense, and that includes the tool of violence. Before you dismiss the idea as irrational (because, of course rational civilized people don’t DO violent things) let me ask: If you knew that you could learn to STOP a criminal from victimizing you or your children, wouldn’t you DO it?
We put in security systems and insure our houses… we do the same for our cars… we insure our lives in case we DIE… but isn’t it odd that the social norm, for example, for women, dictates things like: if an attacker tries to assault you, you shouldn’t fight (because he might REALLY hurt you) you should either urinate on yourself, vomit, or tell him you have a sexually transmitted disease. SERIOUSLY??? All of these sick suggestions proceed from the first principle that the attacker cares about hygiene. Highly unlikely. The ole “tell him you’re pregnant” assumes that he gives a CRAP about you as a human. Again, unlikely.
Let’s say he has a weapon – a knife. OK, there is potential for getting cut, but if you, the victim, explode into a targeted violent response with a single objective: Deploy violent aggression to such an extent that the attacker has no choice but to become defensive, THEN you are changing the entire situation. Wouldn’t you say that is a much better alternative than asking a nurse to let you wash the vomit out of your hair after she finishes detailing your rape kit?
What if he has a gun? The only thing I will say here is that it is a damn shame that FAR too many people believe that a gun is some magical omnipotent force for which there is no counter. Sadly, many also believe that a criminal is 1) a decent shot (even under the stress of an adrenaline fueled confrontation) and 2) that a gunshot wound means certain death.
The facts are decidedly contrary.
Even at point blank range, most people with little to no gun training (like Joe Q. Thug) are unlikely to make a life threatening shot to head or heart. And second, even if you ARE shot, medical statistics say that you have an 80-95% chance of survival!
According to Dr. Vincent J.M. DiMaio, a former medical examiner who wrote a book on gunshot wounds, 80 percent of the targets on the body are not fatal places to be shot. And if you’re shot and you get to a hospital with your heart still beating, there’s a 95 percent chance of survival.
The statistics of surviving knife wounds are even higher.
Maybe it’s just me, but given the simple skills to turn an attack in my favor (even with a weapon against me) I think fighting sounds pretty damn good. Actually, it’s not just me. State Rep Bill Chumley had the same question I did:
WHY didn’t someone in the Charleston church do SOMETHING against the skinny cowardly shooter Dylan Roof — and Chumley was promptly BLASTED for victim blaming…
Chumley told CNN that “We need to be focusing on the nine families that are left and see that this doesn’t happen again. These people sat in there and waited their turn to be shot. That’s sad that somebody in there with the means of self-defense could have stopped this.” When asked by CNN’s Drew Griffin, “Are you turning this into a gun debate?” Chumley replied, “YOU said guns. Why didn’t somebody just do something? I mean, you got one skinny person shooting a gun. I mean, we need to take and do what you can.” Chumley added: “I don’t know what the answer was but I know it’s really horrible for nine people to be shot, and I understand that he reloaded his gun during the process. THAT’s upsetting.”
WELL??? How sad that the first assumption the reporter jumped to was the myth that to effectively counter a gun, you must also be armed. We know that is just not so. Weapons are mere tools. They only work in the hands of humans — and humans can be stopped by other humans, PERIOD. Certainly the most appalling part of the exchange was that the reporter (and the idiots who were offended by Chumley’s honest question) exhibit the exact Victim Lifestyle mentality I’m talking about. Rather than shake our finger at the gunman, how about looking at the fails of the victims and learn how to be harder targets? (Read my rundown of the Fails and think about it) Until we LEARN from these incidents, we will simply keep repeating the mistakes and digging graves.
You may be thinking about the older victims, or that there were WOMEN, or about your own insecurities: “But, I am — too old, I wear glasses, I have a bad knee, I am having cancer treatments, I am only 5 foot 1, I am just not a violent person…. etc etc.
All things considered: it doesn’t matter.
Really. we’ve done the research… waded into the case studies… interviewed cops, coroners, doctors, and survivors. And, It doesn’t matter. COBRA defense creator Chris Sutton states flatly that:
- The majority of bad guys flee or give up at the first hint of trouble or resistance.
- Criminals do not expect any resistance from a victim because they rely on fear to get the job done.
- Most bad guys have extremely poor plans and usually have no back up plans.
- Criminals can be thrown out of sync very easily because they expect little to no resistance.
- Many of your everyday actions will determine whether or not you will become a target.
Besides the average criminal being LAZY, they are also HUMAN. They, too, are nervous, agitated, and amped up on fear when they confront someone — they don’t KNOW what the victim will do, who will show up… and they are navigating through a million possible snags. When you throw a snag into their easy path, you gain an opportunity. And THAT is something YOU can bank on. You can stake your very LIFE on it, I promise.
How do you do this?
You may be amazed (& a little disappointed) by the one very significant but simple answer.
Don’t BE an easy target. Will this work in every single case? No. But making the conscious choice to NOT do things that make you an “easy target” should be a simple part of our lifestyle. Too many of us walk around our lives clueless and spoiled. We think we have some sort of right to do WHAT we want, WHEN we want to do it, WHERE we want to, and we thus claim zero responsibility for our own safety. This is the grossest display of brazen childish ignorance imaginable.
Time and time again we see harrowing accounts of “citizen attacked at ATM!!” How many times have we been told: ATMs are crime booths. Don’t set yourself up as a target for a little convenient cash!! Think ahead and plan your day to avoid such risky behavior.
Inevitably the victims say “I’ll never go to another ATM”. And I’m sure they MEAN that. But, People: LEARN!!!
(Current update: KCMO: UNBELIEVABLE!!! Followed, Robbed, Assaulted after ATM visit…
Here’s another good one: when entering or exiting your vehicle, don’t dally around fumbling with handbags or briefcases or groceries. Get in and out with purpose. Don’t leave your leg dangling out the open door while you get situated!This is an invitation to carjacking or, if you happen to be wearing a dress, RAPE. I wish we lived in a world where we didn’t have to think this way. But walking around with the attitude that “I can go where I want, and wear what I want” is childish and just accomodates criminal behavior! We have GOT to take the opportunity AWAY from bad guys. Worse, is thinking that because you have a spritzer of pepper spray you are invincible. Are you prepared to handle the inevitable backspray? What is your plan when it malfunctions? Or when you can’t get the nozzle engaged, pointed, and deployed before the bad guy has ahold of you? Defensive tools are great, but WE MUST HAVE A PLAN WHEN IT’S JUST US AND HIM! We need to take back our power and THEN begin creating the kind of freedom & safety we want to see.
Most important is the fact that you need to be aware enough of yourself and your situation to SEE when you are behaving risky. Crimes of opportunity are the easiest to avoid: Don’t BE a target.
Unfortunately, this brings us a crucial reality that most people don’t want to hear: WE HAVE TO STOP LIVING A VICTIM LIFESTYLE.
The fact is NO ONE can help you if you won’t help yourself. That means making some real changes in habit and behavior to insure your life’s safety.
Police say on July 6 just before 8 a.m. June 2015, a 25-year-old woman reported that she was walking near the Cudell Rec Center in Cleveland OH on her way to the bus stop, when she was attacked from behind by an unidentified man. The victim told police the man put his arm around her neck, pulled a grey sweatshirt over her head and face, and violently dragged her behind a bush and attempted to rape her. The woman was able to fight him off by kicking and scratching him. Now residents in the area are keeping an eye out. “It’s a shock to know that something like that’s going on. With so many kids and older people in the area, it’s kind of messed up,” said Brandon McWhorter, who lives in the area. “It’s actually a bold move because there’s people in and out of this store, the guys at the fire station, they sit out front. So I don’t know, it must’ve been dead out there when it happened,” he said. Police say the victim was wearing headphones. They want to remind everyone to be on alert wherever you are, especially if you’re alone.
This case perfectly articulates the “it won’t happen here” and “I cant believe it” mindset, and it demonstrates a disturbing trend — criminals are increasingly bold, less inclined to stick to the darkness and wee hours in isolated places. Whether the motive is property, perversion, or worse, criminals are attacking in the daytime in well-populated areas. If you think you’re safe, it’s time to think again. As for walking around wearing headphones so you are oblivious to your surroundings: Don’t do it.
**THIS JUST IN – my KCMO community!! A man has been arrested and charged after a woman says he kidnapped and raped her from a Northland parking lot. Police were called to a Target off of Interstate 35 and Chouteau Trafficway about 11:30 p.m. Monday on a reported armed robbery. A man at the grocery store reported that a woman had just been forced to drive away at gunpoint.
The victim told police she was in the parking lot of the nearby Festival Foods talking to a friend outside of their vehicles when the suspect came up to them asking for a light. They said they didn’t smoke so the suspect left, but he returned about 10 minutes later to ask for a ride. When the two refused, the suspect, identified as Hamm, pulled out a silver handgun. The suspect ordered the man to give him his car keys, wallet and cellphone and then ordered him to get into his own vehicle. He then pointed the gun at the woman and told her to get in the driver’s seat of her vehicle. The woman then drove the suspect away from the scene. According to court documents, Hamm forced the woman to drive about a mile away where he then ordered her to park in a daycare parking lot. He threatened her, telling her he had just gotten out of jail for attempted murder. Court documents say Hamm ordered the woman to undress and forced her to perform sexual acts on him while threatening her with the gun.
The woman and suspect were both in the vehicle when police spotted the car. The woman opened the driver’s side door and ran terrified and naked towards awaiting officers. Police said the suspect got out of the vehicle with his zipper down and was arrested without incident. Court documents say the male victim’s stolen items were found in Hamm’s pants pockets. Scott A. Hamm, 29, is facing charges of felony first-degree attempted rape, six counts of armed criminal action, two counts of first-degree sodomy, kidnapping and two counts of robbery.
SAFER LIFESTYLE RULE- Never never leave with someone. Your chances of survival decrease by more than half if you relocate. Scream and fight — the last thing an attacker wants is you drawing attention to him and erupting into a fight. YOU ARE WORTH FIGHTING FOR!!!
In future Fighting Forward, I will run scenarios and tips to help YOU start developing your awareness and begin creating a Safer Lifestyle for you and your family. Look at the Self Defense in the City columns for scenario based advice. It’s Time to Take the Initiative.
Until later,
Take care of yourself, and each other. Fiercely.
